Well another day. It has been weeks since I sat listening to dark music and posting dark thoughts on forums. One of the forums has changed the title of my thread posts, they said they are triggers, the titles include:
The threads where –
“I believe that the ashes of my cremains are worth more than my life on earth.” (I am feeling better now)
The other was “Is it selfish to leave my son and expecting wife for the afterlife?

(forum on psychcentral)

Well I had some great responses which helped me to get a much deeper sense of perspective.
People wrote don’t you want to see you new child’s birth?
Graduation? Etc.
These responses really made me think.

Basically, I am trying to go to bed early and get to work early. Instead of using Rx for sleeping (staying on my regular daily meds) I am using passion flower about 4 caps for sleeping. It has been working well. This week I am trying to keep a low profile, work hark and try to get a lot done.

I have been feeling more manic and obsessive thoughts fill my mind about work at 3 am in the morning, which I then journal on.  I feel like there are many people out to get me. (paranoia)
Today I helped a person in the office who over invests his emotions in work and is sometimes is so stressed, he doesn’t come to work. 50 percent of his stress is in his mind, I beleave… Hopefully I can help yield some perspective since he is actually a lot like me.

Then at my work my supervisor is also an ordained minister, I asked for guidance on one woman that I work with, that she doesn’t get out (social anxiety disorder) and if he could make some recommendations. He told me to find out about the neighborhood she lives. I told her she doesn’t have any friends, his response was that she was crazy that’s why. I pursued it, and all he could say was that it was because she was crazy. I found this not to be fully helpful and it prejudges this person. I thought he of all people would be a bit more understanding…

Feel free to checkout more of my blog and art.

Take care


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