Found – With my deepest fears lifted, my mind and soul are now free.

I feel found.
What would happen if someone asked to you write down all of the things that you fear most…. then all of those things were solved for you?

For my that list was:
I.  Fear losing my battle with depression resulting in suicide
II. Concern over Job Loss
III. The Potential Suicide of a friend
IV.  Birth of my child

And I have been delivered from each of these challenges, become transformed into a more spiritual being.

I.  Fear losing my battle with depression resulting in suicide
I learned techniques to battle depression:
a. Deciding to never commit suicide and always go to the hospital first.
It took me my whole life to come to this decision and basically I learned that my family and I could be worse off if I was successful and if I was unsuccessful, I would also be hurt so badly in the attempt that I could be in a disabled state for the rest of existence.  I learned valuable lessons from:

1. Going to AFPS (American Foundation for the Prevention of Suicide) and meeting and being introduced to all of the hurt/broken and sad people from a loved one committing suicide.
2. Going to the DBSA meetings (Depression and Bipolor Support Alliance) and meeting a person who attempted and was deeply injured (see Broken Ballerina https://myinnershadows.wordpress.com/2010/04/30/someone-whos-been-there/)
3. Helping others at the DBSA Meetings, provided me with a sense of purpose and better appreciate the things that I do have in my life.  I think there is the concept of becoming healed by healing others.
4. Going to a therapist weekly and a Psychiatrist regularly to get balanced.
5. Life style changes – 3 meals a day, 8 hours of sleep, exercise 3x per week
6. Education on herbal supplements – while the Rx are so strong, maybe you need something to help you get though with sleep and temporary setbacks.
7. YOU, yes all those that supported me to “create a social network” with emails and caring and love basically, it has been great!

II. Job Loss
I have learned that I am over emotionally invested in my job, and thought that if I was fired/laid off that I might attempt suicide, I was really scared.  This last week I learned that I was not going to be laid off, it occurred to me how little I mean to the company…  Basically I need to be more prepared and actively working new job opportunities so that I don’t get stuck in one place – or overly emotionally invested.  Also saving money on the side in case of being laid off is a good idea also.  Basically this one I was just kind of luckily not to be picked to be laid off.

III. Suicide of a friend (which did not occur)
This new friend of mine wanted to committee suicide, she had a date, a means and a plan.  I was so scared, it was going to be on her birthday… I prayed, worried and listened to her.  I cannot take credit for saving her, she saved herself and has started to get help.  But I thank god every day that she is getting better.

IV.  Birth of my child
This was very tough and traumatic, but everyone is okay, alive and healthy.  The church is currently bringing in dinner to our family as my wife it still healing from over 3 surgeries, but she is getting better everyday.

My new goal is to spend 30 mins a day meditating on positives & deep relation.

All of my personal growth can be attributed to:

Open yourself up to the world and the world will open itself to you.
Don’t tell your self no, let the world tell you no.

With my deepest fears lifted, my mind and soul are now free… to live, explore, create..
Creative ideas have come back to me (again) it is like I am becoming a receiver of ideas from the universise.
The last time I felt like this I created the solstice clock (www.solsticeclock.com) maybe now I will program this for the iphone.
My new ideas include algorithmic stock trading using a derivation of the Fibonacci series.
A survey that a person takes and it create a quick animated flash film of there lives, (births, marriage, friendships etc) were 1 second is one year of a persons life.
A mood checker, which has a person check there mood once a day on their phone or computer which is then graphed so people can see what there cycles are.  (I found after 2 years of graphing that I cycle about every 9 days)
And more, even if I don’t create anything just having ideas is a luxury.

I now feel like I am in a protective bubble rising up… (like the picture and the music)

Music Reference: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_RTFLaCfFI

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14 thoughts on “Found – With my deepest fears lifted, my mind and soul are now free.

  1. Yes your prayer an support have proven to be powerful!
    Thank you so kindly of all your help,
    on what could have been the darkest part of my life.

  2. So glad that things are better for you Christian. I wish that I had that outlook on life but am seriously so happy that you are doing better. You are a great friend and I wish the best for you in your life. Prayers always for a wonderful, blessed life with your wife and new daughter. Hope to one day be able to meet you and attend a meeting with you. I am so happy that you are so proud of youself, you are such a great example of what never quitting can do! 🙂 I really am happy to know you and hope that I never let you down.

  3. Thank you Katrina for taking the time to post when you are just recovering from a serous operation.
    I want you to know that many people are thinking caring during this time of need. I wish all the blessings and more that I have found to come into your life.
    Open yourself to the world and the world will open itself to you.
    Free your spirit of the darkness, baggage and secrets you hold and fly…

  4. Hi ! I’ve visited the site with the solstice clock. It is an interesting concept;I’ll have to
    go there again_to understand it better.All your ideas are wonderful.I agree that even without immediately creating anything_the fact itself of having them_might be such valuable and bring much joy…But_I’m quite sure that all we are thinking is going somewhere_in the collective unconscious.So,even not materialised_they aren’t lost and are still very useful to mankind.
    On the other hand_I have to tell you that when someone comes closer to God ,entering in what might be called a direct and personal relation with Him_then,that person becomes smarter on all the levels of his mind and soul.You’ve said that you feel as receiving ideas from the universe but _ it is Him,the Creator of the Universe that is an intelligent being (having sensibility,also) whose spirit gets to that person…
    Of course _these things are very complex (but not complicated).

  5. Great, if you run XP you can download and run it as a screensaver.

    Hope you are doing okay, I am suriviing a statistics examination.

  6. Wow things are getting better!
    I am living, biking, painting, smiling, laughing, listening, advocating and being the best I can be.
    Christian blog author 10-18-3017

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