An episode

I guess that I am in an active episode.
I know this because mu thoughts are dark and i feel along.
I started taking my emerency kava kava tablets which i use when i3 get into a state… but it is getting worse… i took a 1/2 tab of repenserol (antiphychotic) and i have a bad cold.  Where is my mind?  My thoughts are:
It is another grey day,  i leave for work in darkness and come home in darkness.  As i ride the elevated metro (el) is see the smoke rising frontiers the chimney of the factory and know someday that will be me as my body is incernerated my the funeral directors creamatoruim, the wisps of smoke fade and blend into the greyness offered the day, of that to i will become.  Will it be by my own hand? Being set free like a particle bird, restored back to the simples elements from which i came.
i walk with my bare feet on a still beach which is ash, my feet sink in i look up and find the deepest cobalt sureal blue water which looks to have an unfarhomable amoung of depth, a kind of reflection of thy soul.  I look up further and the is a faint purple sunrise with pinks starting to peer though.  Is it the optimism of a new day?  Or simply this is heaven and ones only entrance is through the dark waters in front?

—-
I must stay safe for another day..

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