Comforting a Friend/Coworker – as his friend committed suicide

**Warning a triggering post for some**

I am comforting my friend at work…

It is the holiday time in the US – Thanksgiving & Christmas and a time for many people who get blue.

As for my friend at work “w”  had another friend, who’s wife died. w’s friend said, I want to die and had been drinking and taking xanax & oxycotin.  I told him that it would be a good idea to get him, to the hospital (ASAP) as he has a motive, the death of his wife and a means (pills and alcohol).   I gave ‘w’ some literature on depression.

The next week, he comes over and tells me he found his friend’s body in the sitting peacefully.

Oh, how I feel for ‘w’ my friend for he blames himself.  he says”I am a lousy grief councilor” (which may be true..)  but he should not blame himself, he is not trained he notified the family and did the best that he could do to try and help his friend as his wife had passed away.

1) It is not his fault, for his friend seemed to be on a  mission to join his wife.

2) He did the best he could to help his friend, as he knew how.

3) He did everything he could do to save his friend.

4) Even though some do go to the hospital (in the US) most are returned in 5-7 days (due to insurance companies limits on payments), only to be back from where they started.

5) May times when a spouse passes within 12 months the other partner may pass.

My poor friend, ‘w’ I will provide him with a brochure from the American Society for Suicide prevention, which discusses understanding and surviving the loss of a friend from this.  (“Suicidal behavior is the result of a medical condition.  It is not a sign of weakness of character.” AFPS )  In this case my friend’s friend was suffering from xtreem grief, caused by his wife passing.

But I think it is so sad, however now the person is no longer suffering the heart breaking pain of his wifes passing.

Now to get my friend W on track, my next goal take him out for coffee and LISTEN, yep all ears, and let him talk and share his feelings, this is one of the best ways to help someone with the healing process….

During this I also must also take care of myself, so I went jogging in the cold, by the lake to clear my mind.  I was cold but a nice run.

Sorry for the sad post, but I think honesty is KEY in a filtered media FACEBOOK world where few share their true feelings…

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