Friday _ hope empties like water from a tub….

Wow emotion hit me today at about 1pm.

Last night i went to the depression and bipolar support association meeting (dbsa) as away to provide hope and guidance to others, since I have been doing so well, job, MBA Honor student and more.  Then it hit me today, the emotional depth that was communicated to me by C after the DBSA meeting.

I had inquired on details of the Electroconvulsive Shock Therapy and then she shared her attempt story which occurred just this last summer.

Yesterday evening, I felt like “super man” as i was at a private party in the financial district where a former congress person took leadership of a new business organisation which I was recently inducted into.  Then midway into ths event I left and went over to the DBSA meeting as I had invited a coworker who is having issues with her teenager (18).

I kinda felt invincible and thought i could help so many.  But in reality it all came together for me the next day, the dark stories which i encouraged this person to share in a therapeutic way.

It is like 24 hours later i am feeling the emotions words which she said.  Almost like they have some dark magic quality.  It seemed to “trigger me”, activate the deep loniness and issolation but had bured them away while my guard was down as it was a sleepless week ending on this Friday.

How desperate she must have felt to be pushed to the edge with her story and then we addressed one of my greatest fears ECT ( in kind of a scientific way).  But know it all comes back and I see the main and the challenge The one of my greatest fears is that i would have to go for electro convulsive shock therapy  and this person C goes every other week.  She took me through everystep wow

You must arrive there early to he hospital or u will be farther back in the line and ne subjected to having to hear others go through it.  So get there early first they will have u take off ur clothes and u will be asked to submit to a pregnacy test which is routine.  Next the start a heplock iv drip and you are sudated while u r wake but unable to move.  Electrodes r placed on the chest and pulse from ur finger. Also an blood pressure cuff is in the right arm.  Goo is put in ur hair to increase conduction.  Then comes the fading away of reality as the muscles become 100 percent relaxed.  The goal is to electrally induce a cesure and the is a special cuff placed ln the leg which prevents the relaxer from entering the foot the use the to understand the duration and intensity of the cesure which is induced.  One or both hemispers are appled and there r differnt types of waves which they can electely apply.  I walk up on another room it is about several hours, since i have no one to pick me up like the others the call for a special service to take me home.
Wow ur my hero i told her u r so brave!
Then today the full impact of her struggle hit me so sad and on one. There to pick her up.  For her she is so alone, i hugged her and shared that for me it is posible to get better.
-sent from a mobile device pls excuse the grammer.


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