The challenge with depression/bipolar is that the emotions tend to dominate, they are in controll robbing me of the free will and enjoyable life which everyone seems to have. Like when I was younger instead of going out one would tend to issolate oneself and it keeps one from building the strong social skills / socialization to meet other and feel confident.
Well, just recently, I am feeling empowered, I am feeling in control. I have a new position in my job and my dear friend died suddenly, the went home on Wednesday 2/29/2012 and they found him sitting in his car by the train station as he was going to drive from his the train back to his house. Well, instead of simply breaking down and laying in bed for two days crying (or taking mind numbing antipychotics)… I stayed and work and was comforted by coworkers and comforted others. Then I knew needed to let my emotions out, I went to the park and listened to Gary Julies – Mad World and really cried, just let is all out.. Walt, my friend who passed, was my buddy, but I am in control… finally…
I am feeling powerful. I am doing the best that I can do. I am proud to be me. And although as I feel the pains of loss and do revert back to dark thoughts of self murder(as an escape), I remember my role here on earth.
I also went to the Depression and BiPolar support group meeting the other night (DBSA) at the hospital and shared with others the importance of emotional self awareness and taking care of ourselves. Some people found my advice to be powerful, this too helped me understand the importance of my life, which is impart to help others with mood disorders.
Be strong, live on and try!