So the following are real events which i think was caused by the dynamic contrast of looking put together vrs feeling like death.
1) being denied counciling by the social work department at the high school. I had to be referred to am outside clinic.
“Look at you, an A student on student council, and one of these students would gladly trade places with you.”
I will say they did act quickly when i found a shotgun in attic…
But i did end up having to go to an outside clinic.
2) i dated a girl who was also on student council, then i told her what was on my mind after being friends for a couple of months. The next day i was pulled out of class by my dean, “how dare you call her…” they thought i was making it up, mayne trying to manipulate her or something. I called again and was treatened again. Now she doesn’t go to the class reunions which a classmate told me was because of me “she told me what you did to her” crazy…. so people look at me and think i am making up.
3) at the dbsa support group “you have a job, family…..ur not really depressed or have issues.. ”
At least i have art, i can drawn create, feel and know that i am reallu and genuine.
I was told today you a very unselfish young man, which is true because when ur always thinking of death, helping someone, giving money and caring and kindheartedness are possible as i know everyones days are numbered.