Too much, overwhelmed

For the past two days i have been dragging but i should be so happy, to see the little image on the ultasound machine another child what i wanted, haven’t even told my parents yet, just want to be sure every thing will be all okay as we make it through the first trimester.  Just feel dark about it, the uncertainty, the little arm buds everything looks good, the nurse partictioner tries to upsell us on some crazy expensive tests. No one knows any prices in american healthcare. 
The surgury on my finger was $10k and another surgury is scheduled.  The pain meds felt like they were killing me, when to the er.
I know i can shake this feeling just need to go running.. yep that simple.
Whats going on: baby on the way, guilty conscience 4 partying when all were away, starting a company, graduate school, full time job, trying to be vegan, kids
but i am blessed with all this i just need to stay positive as it will even make me more productive.
Pressure to join the private club where the president announced his candicy in chicago.  The profess says i should also join as it is a way to be introduced to the potential investors but the huge sums of money to join, just not sure if it is worth it.   It is a risk, money and time investment.
I am also in an art show and my birthday is next week.
Just keep it together and go jogging.
Tomorrow am i have a meeting on cybersecurity where the fbi and other important figures will present.
Well thanks for listening.
I care too much and fall in love to easy (love as in caring)
Americans have a closed culture love and caring don’t flow, being
An artist and working i. A computer department is like being in the desert.
I reveal to much, but the is what i think helps a person is to release, one opend ones self so that more love and experiences can come in.


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