Operating room while awake

Second hand surgury today.  It is so freaky to being in an operating room awake being operated on.  The start by announcing your name and that you are not alergic to meds.  Then your heat beat is broadcast over a speaker and you can hear the surgean ask for things.  Knife ( i always thought they said scapel)  and i broke into a cold sweat.  The put a preasure bandage to stop the blood flow in my arm.  Wow it hurt. 
Then my mind wonders about mental health, it seems like back in the day when i was feeling the darkness, that no one cared that i was not worthwhile, and now a have a broken finger and it is a three act play costing insurance $25k.
It is like they know how to fix the physical but when it come to the mental and helping people it is a different story.  Then my my mind wondered into my friend who goes for electro consulsive shock therapy ect and how clinical it must be when maybe be she just needs physical and emotional love and support.
My finger is still numb and i am moving forward no regrets, seeks love happiness and acceptance.
I am going to class tonight and continue to move forward with my business ideas surrounded by supportive people.
Some people want to work for me including my mother but i am not even making revenue, i tell everyone sure because i don’t want to reject them over a business which hasn’t started. It may be wrong or mot but i keep moving forward, wjat ever i do i want a business which is not only sustainable but also helps people everyday and works to make employees feel wanted / loves and included.  Idealistic perhaps but possible.
I am less afraid of my current job and don’t aspire to be ceo,  i think these are two things that a perfectionist needs to accept. 
I continue to run 3.5 to 4.0 miles 3 times a week as it keeps the darkness at bay.  I continue to be vegan… and wish others understood animal suffering(but many don’t care about human suffering) so this is alot to ask.
Be well


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