The disinvitation

So there was an event a promotion and a person who was getting married, an indian arranged wedding, most everyone was invited even an email went out, but not to me, then a manager went to individual desks and invited contractors left off the invitation, around me.  One time i did go to an even and the director said who invited crazy guy….  i get it i am not invited.  It felt good when my manager came out of the meeting and said you going?  I don’t think they want me there and i have another event….
You could image that thiz triggered my inner darkness, my core feelings of worthlessness, my old teenage ambition to end it just to spite them.  The dark swirls started to fill my head, as the manager was going to cubicle to cubicle,  like a child at an easter egg hunt, giving detailed instructions to get to the bar.  Sadness and inadiquicy capped me off.  Then i realized something, i used to have this in high school (but would have my own parties instead) and even as a child sitting out side my two older bothers room listening to them talk wishing i was part of it.  Being able to depend on something provides comfort.  When i can always depend on not being invited, i am different, while the crowd talks about sports, i perfer to talk about art.  While man don’t like questions about where r u from and where do you live, i like to know, while many people coast, i create score cards and report the teams performance.  And yep i am an eagle scout…. what ever it is, it is not worth dieing over or even feel like dieing over.  Yes it would be foolish to derive myself worth from my work.  I am getting smarter and strong and maybe someday will have my own company….
Keep hope alive, everyone is worth being included…


2 thoughts on “The disinvitation

  1. You are saying this so right !
    But remember also that you are part of another dimension, being included
    into God’s sphere of influence (His kingdom)…
    Why is it so ? Well, in part because you are my friend and when I think about you
    and I pray, this influence encompasses you also.
    And you are blessed, remember ?

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