Ur worst enemy is within

Waking up sweating paranoia.  The challenge with drinking and meds 4 me is the dark paranoia i get… 
Is anyone my friend, did i say everything okay?
Profound insecurity comes out only to be covered with a deep distrust that others are talking bad about you.  For every fabrication told to guys on the block while drinking, thinking that others think you are weird, different or that you are the laughing stock, it all comes together at 2am which hits me like a sweaty sickness.  PARANOIA so had to beat, who is this evil talking in my head causing this self doubt, it all seems so real, what to believe,  part of me says to never drink again while another part of me says to never socialize again.  It is so hard, why do the guys on the block want me to go out with them?  Maybe i am a clown to them? Or just entertaining, i am always know as the mind, the thinker, the smart guy, maybe the absent minded professor.
This i know, success is not filled with self daught and ridicule, instead, i will work to sleep well and know that men don’t over think their feelings and daughts, that obsessive thinking is thinking for other also.  I will do my best and keep rolling forward.


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