Tears run down my face

Tears run down my face as I have stopped taking pain meds.
Today I find out if I will ever walk again or if I will need more surgery.

If feel green with sickness as the last pain meds leave my body.
Hydrocodon – feels like a bad trip to mexico. 🙂

My leg feels like it has been smashed an eaten my wolves.

I have think I have lost at least 15lbs….

My parents worry as I eat less and less.
And now the darkness and depression creep in.
I let it over take me like sinking backwards in the cold lake michigan water.
I hear the support group leader in my head, after years of attending. “Don’t fall into old familure habits, don’t let your self get depressed because that is what you know…. help yourself”
The thoughts fade way as I focus on the sickness and pain.
I see the doctor today.. I will ask about pain management as my dad’s spiritual healer who comes once a day may not cut it.
Welcome to my low point… i can only get better from here.
I secretly give up as I wish my body to become the elements it was made from…
The church is praying, friends say what can I do?
I hold on by the thread called existence.




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