Graduation and Change



In honor of my latest challenges I give you the song loser by BECK, it important to be humbled by the song, be grounded and know that each of us is not better than the other, but really for me, it is a challenging time.

(lyrics at the bottom)


Event: Loss of a cool cousin

Regret: I never really got to know but had a drum set, tie died shirts, a cool motorcycle, I could have helped him more…
His ashes and his wifes ashes buryed at the cemetary over memorial day weekend, they also put a tie died shirt and one of his drums in the hole at the cemetery.  I did not know that you could bury drums, t-shirts or other objects….

Event: Billionaire with an 80 million dollar gulfstream jet, telling my my company is “Xucking worthless.”

Comment: if the company is worthless why does a billionaire give me over two hours of your time, when you make over 300 million dollars per year, to tell me how worthless my company (and lifes work is?)  Answer – to take if for FREE, really.
He got so angry, that is eyes went to pinpoint and he had sweat stain in his custom tailored shirt and used colorful language that no gentleman would use.

Event: Graduating from Grad School, with honors and Double specialization, will miss graduate school.

Comment: No more coasting on student loans, I earned have a double major, MBA masters Degree from DePaul, graduation is this weekend.  WAIT?  YOU MAY SAY? Your not a LooSER, you are earning a degree with an A average, your the smartest guy in the room, AT IBM they called you BOY WONDER, and YOu were selected with IBM WATSON RESEARCH to remake Disney World and had the most creative promising IDEAS & DEMOS which represented IBM.
When IBM was introduced to Disney it was Dr, Dr, Dr, Dr, Dr and Christian (me)

ANSWER:  Depression SPARES NO ONE and it is especially difficult for the high achievers, as the potential care givers become intimidated and wonder if you are making it up, it actually pushes people away, as they want to cuttle up with the party of low achievement and rejection of the world, meanwhile you are aspiring to be class president.  I leaves you without a crowd as the artsy / hippy / emmos crowd hates you while the jocks / preps don’t get you either.  You become a isolated group of one, too smart, too sad, too weird find the right group… you loose yourself in work…(and they cycle continues)

Event: Company REJECTED by Techstars Chicago

Comment: What can I say, I am a looser baby, this was my companies last hold out for funding, a company committed to helping people get healthcare with technology, I guess I should have been a non-for-profit, now we will be consumed by the legal contracts from the worlds largest benefits company, taking everything for nothing, I had my run, king for a day.  Down to the dungeon of cubicles to work for the man.


Event: My cast is off, from my broken leg in brazil

Comment: Ouch!  Did you know the pain in Portuguese is DOR, and I have it.  But known this, physical pain is -nothing- compared to emotional pain.  The my cast, they lower the buses, people hold the door for me, people ask to carry my books as school.  With emotional pain, nothing… so much harder.  Break a leg (grin)


It is proven in Quantum mechanics, it is proven by simply observing certain experiments effects that outcome.  Just by looking….

I ask you to pass on my post to someone, in the hope that a few people thinking this, just reading it, will lighten my load, and give me greater strength for another day.

Music by Beck:


In the time of chimpanzees
I was a monkey
Butane in my veins
So I’m out to cut the junkie
With the plastic eyeballs,
Spray-paint the vegetables
Dog food stalls with the beefcake pantyhose
Kill the headlights
And put it in neutral
Stock car flaming’ with a loser
And the cruise control
Baby’s in Reno with the vitamin D
Got a couple of couches,
Sleep on the love seat
Someone keeps saying’
I’m insane to complain
About a shotgun wedding
And a stain on my shirt
Don’t believe everything that you breathe
You get a parking violation
And a maggot on your sleeve
So shave your face
With some mace in the dark
Saving’ all your food stamps
And burning’ down the trailer park

(Yo. Cut it.)
Soy un perdedor
I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me?

(Double-barrel buckshot)

Soy un perdedor
I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me?

Forces of evil in a bozo nightmare
Banned all the music with a phony gas chamber
‘Cuz one’s got a weasel
And the other’s got a flag
One’s on the pole, shove the other in a bag
With the rerun shows
And the cocaine nose-job
The daytime crap of the folksinger slop
He hung himself with a guitar string
Slap the turkey-neck
And it’s hanging’ from a pigeon wing
You can’t write if you can’t relate
Trade the cash for the beef
For the body for the hate
And my time is a piece of wax
Falling’ on a termite
Who’s choking’ on the splinters
Soy un perdedor
I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me?
(Get crazy with the cheeze whiz)
Soy un perdedor*
I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me?
(Drive-by body-pierce)
(Yo, bring it on down)
[Chorus backwards]
(I’m a driver; I’m the winner;
Things are gonna change
I can feel it)
Soy un perdedor
I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me?
(I can’t believe you)
Soy un perdedor
I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me?
Soy un perdedor
I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me?
(Sprechen sie Deutsch, baby?)
Soy un perdedor
I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me?
(Know what I’m saying’?)

I live another day,

Kind and honest regards,



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